2025 changing of the year!

Me and Dentistry

 

I've never, ever met anyone who likes to go to the dentist, not ever. Having said that I feel much better. I guess everyone has a story about why they don't like it. Mine stems from an early childhood experience having a baby tooth pulled without any kind of numbing. My memory is a bit fuzzy of course it would be after around 70+ years. As I recall the dentist was old and big in stature.Certainly was not gentle or seemingly caring. He just did it! No numbing or words of compassion prior to the event.

Whether or not the way that visit to the dentist went is a true memory I'm not positive but I think it is. Zip forward to today I am presently recovering to 6 extractions of the remaining upper teeth, mostly in the front. That took several injections before and during the session. Almost afterward an upper denture was inserted along with gauze to bite on and I was out of there

It's the beginning of the third day and the pain is present and very much felt. The backstory is this: My Daddy had dentures and as I was growing up I use to say that's what I wanted was dentures then I wouldn't have to go to the dentist.  The day the dentist told me I needed a full denture I balked knowing that meant extractions and healing and getting use to a full denture. This is after wearing a partial for years. Guess I finally got what I wished for all those years. 

The denture teeth look fine so no complaints there. Is there a lesson about what you wish for? I don't know about that but I do know I'll be wonderfully glad when the pain and soreness is gone for sure. And, here's hoping the denture fits well when it's all said and done.  The nice thing is I don't think I'll have to visit the dentist as much. Yay for that part. As unpleasant as it can be it's also terribly expensive.

Did you know that dentist fees are not regulated? That means each dentist can charge whatever they want to and that's why if you shop around for the best price they will all be different and not even within the same range.

Now, just so you know, I've had some really good dentists along the way and this particular dentist was not bad so I don't want to give him a bad report at all. It's not his fault I had to have teeth removed. I take full responsibility for not caring for my teeth as I should have and I knew to do. So, it's squarely on me that I had to go through all the years of dentistry. I knew/know better but I didn't do better.

Why in the world would I blog about this? Unpleasant as it is it is part of the Senior Life and that's what my blog is basically about.  It's what we all deal with. Some like my Mother never had dentures of any kind. She was very proud that she still had her own teeth until she left this earth. My grandmother also had her own teeth at least mostly. She did have some spaces among her back teeth.

I thank God though that I could get the work done and still have teeth even if they are removable. So, are dentists bad? No, they are necessary and I'm thankful for what they can do.  I just don't like to have to go sit in the chair.

The best part though is, I will have a good smile and will be able to eat. And that's good, isn't it?

By the way, I'm Judy in my cottage and it's early in the morning at 2:30 am writing this post. Thanks for reading such a post as this...it is part of life at 80. Blessings as you sleep.

"UPDATE: It's a done deal and now I go in for an adjustment next week and maybe another one later but things are going well for the most part. Recovery was a bit testy for the first few days but I made it and even though I'm still not on real chewable foods that is moving along too and it won't be too much longer before I can eat what I want. Been drinking my meals and have lost a few pounds which is a nice side affect. When it's all said and done I plan to take a picture and post it then."

I Was Tricked by Fraud at Christmas...again!

                                                            5 Target gift cards at $250 each...

This is Judy in the Cottage and I fell for an elaborate fraudulent setup. It cost me  $1250. This is real and it's now and very scary and I was clueless until this morning at 10 am.

It started yesterday morning. I opened my laptop and was in process of downloading a KJV Bible from a reputable website. All of a sudden the screen changed and a voice along with flashing headlines that said things about "Your IP address has been compromised along with your cell phone and financial data. Do not close this window or turn off your computer. Immediately call Micro Soft fraud department at....................... 

I looked at the screen over and over again, turned the sound off trying to decide what to do. Several times the statement "do not change the screen or turn off your computer, immediately call ...................................

After a few minutes I called the number on the screen. I talked with a female who introduced herself as a representative of Micro Soft Fraud customer service. She asked me several questions about why I was calling and what was on my computer screen. She went through the scripted description of what had happened to my computer and that all my personal information had been compromised including my phone which means the conversations were being listened to but she had isolated my call and we were on a secure line. She talked about the IP address and all that had that address was involved in the compromised. My IP address would have to be changed and she was already working on that and asked about the name of my bank which I told her. She told me that she was not allowed or authorized to ask me for information regarding my bank account and I would be transferred to the fraud department at my bank.

My call was sent, or so it seemed, to a man introduced himself as Travis Johnson, and h gave me his ID# and his phone number in case our call dropped I could call him back or if I had questions he would be happy to answer them.  I made note of all the information he gave me.  He told me what would have to be done and first there would have to be a duplicate transaction at the bank. In other words another withdrawal from my checking account in the same amount as had already been made and that was necessary for the bank to get the original deducted amount duplicated so that that amount could be recovered.

He then gave me instructions on what to do. I was to go to a grocery store that sells gift cards and buy 5 cards from one of the 3 merchants he suggested. Amazon, Target, and Soma. I was on the phone with him in the grocery store and told him I found Target cards. He asked what denominations they were for and I told him what the card said $10-$500, He directed me to get 5 cards and go to the register and put $250 on each one of the 5 cards using my debit card. Be sure not to tell anyone what I was doing and if asked the cards are for gifting to family. So I did what he said and left the store with the purchased cards.

When I got home I was to call him. I did and he asked me for the numbers on the back of each card which I gave him after scratching off to reveal the numbers.  He then told me that it would take until in the morning for the bank to process the second deduction to get my money back in my account and that he would call me at 10 the next morning which was this morning 12-30-24.  I waited for 10:00 am and the call didn't come so at 5 min after the hours I called the number I had been calling to talk Travis and the number rang and then went to busy and then some other sounds. I hung up and tried again and the same thing happened again.

I hung up again and called my local bank and talked with the mgr and he said it was fraud because the bank would never direct anyone to buy gift cards. He asked if I had given the numbers off the cards and I said no. After I got off the phone I remembered that I did give Travis the numbers off of the gift cards.

The bank mgr had told e to call the fraud number on the back of my debit card and I did. I spoke with Crystal R and she described the process and asked questions for the claim she was taking for me. She told me that it would be 5-10 business days before a determination would be made and whether or not money would be returned to my account!

The balance left in my account is what I spend on groceries in a month. Nothing left for rent or any living expense bills, gas for my car and the amount I had budgeted for Christmas.

Part of me cannot believe I fell for the scam. I say that because about 4 Christmases ago I was scammed for $4000.00 through my Discover charge card. I reported the fraud but did not recover any of the funds. The set up was entirely different then. This time it was much more elaborate involving Micro Soft and hijacking my phone call from MS and presenting as my bank. I got names, ID#'s, phone numbers and full names in some cases.

The part that was the same was the purchase of gift cards and the giving of the numbers off the cards to the man of the phone. And not telling anyone what I was doing but to say I was purchasing the gift cards for family gifting.

I am posting this as a warning. They were sneaky the first time and they got better at it this time and I fell for it. I truly hope the right people read this post this season. I don't know if I'm going to get the $1250.00 back or not through the bank. It was my Social Security check, the only money I get each month. I choose to believe that "no weapon formed against me will prosper..."Psalm 91 and that God will make a way where there doesn't look like there is a way today. I know He will.

This is Judy in the cottage on the last day of November of 2024 and I'm sorry to be posting this story but it's true and it happens so be aware and if it involves buying gift cards don't do it!!! no matter who they are or who they say they are.

UPDATE 12-18-24   I was not able to retrieve any of the money that was taken from me and here's why. The bank would not or could not get the funds back into my account. I HAD authorized the purchase of the cards I was told to purchase. Because I willingly authorized the purchase it didn't matter that I was tricked or that I didn't get what I was told I would get which was the money that had been debited to my account that showed on my online bank account at the time of the event. The fact I was scammed didn't make any difference because the fact is I purchased the gift cards willingly.

Milo

Such a cute little guy.

The daughter of a friend of mine caught this little fella between an access road and a major 6 lane freeway in a small grass area. He was scared and though several cars had stopped with people out and trying to woo him, he would not be caught. After all but one left, he finally gave in and was safe in the arms of someone who would in a couple of days bring him to me. 

That was a little less than 2 years ago. After a time of wrestling with my ability to keep him with me I called my friend to get the phone number of her daughter. I told the daughter my issue with keeping Milo and she was absolutely beside herself with the idea that she could have Milo. 

When she first met Milo there in that little grassy area of the freeway, she already had two small dogs and there just wasn't anyway to keep this little guy. Now, she had just one and so the possibility of her getting Milo was the very best thing she could imagine. Within a couple of weeks she had flown in to my town from halfway across the US to reclaim Milo. She had brought her other pooch with her so that the two could bond on the way home in a rental car.

It was a hard two weeks of anticipation between the phone call and her arrival to pick up my Milo. When the day came I had all Milo's things ready. A wicker suitcase filled with clothes and toys, dishes and food were sitting by the front door. Also, his bright yellow stroller. Similar to a baby stroller but specially designed for a small dog. 

I said goodbye to Milo that day and he could have cared less at the moment because he was in the back seat of the rental car with his new room mate Oliver, just about the same size but somewhat older. Getting to know each other and setting limits in the back seat. I must say, Milo was very happy.

I've heard just a little about him since which is the way I wanted it. He and Oliver are buds and Milo is too busy to miss his use-to-be home. I'm thankful and his new mom is very happy. 

So, that means I'm presently pet-less. I do miss him but, it needed to happen so I'm also relieved. I am a pet person so there will be another but it will be a kitten.  Not sure when but maybe before Christmas or for Christmas.  Something like that.  I found I am no longer able to take care of a dog's needs of which there were many for Milo, a young dog not fully trained whose needs were not compatible with the recent new living space we moved into. What I'm really and truly thankful for is the way things turned out for him to go back to the one who rescued him. She had wanted to keep him but at that time it just wasn't a possibility. She loved him at first sight. 

I look at in a good way I think and consider myself to have been his foster mom until his mom-in-waiting could keep him forever. I did not post this at the time of it's writing. I'm guessing it was harder than I thought but the time is right now.  Was recently looking into the cost and what all I want for a kitty and it is quite a bit of stuff. Of course, where will I put a cat tree? Hmm, things to consider. My rent will go up a few dollars but it's worth it. This is not the all in all on this subject...I'll be back on this!

It's Monday and a quiet day expected.  As always, this is Judy in the Cottage. Hope your day is an especially really good day! God Bless You.  Please leave a comment before you go.

 

There's been a breakthrough!!!

 

This a short post but I just have to make record of this breakthrough of my blog. I have a comment from a reader outside close friends. Someone I don't know has not only read a post but has commented on it and that's the breakthrough I've been working toward since I started blogging several years ago.  A totally encouraging comment was left on the post about turning 80. I'm so encouraged to continue writing the little bits and pieces of my thoughts and experience as Life continues. I love writing and it's rewarding when someone reads what I've written and also comments their thoughts.  I do give thanks.  

Yup, it's me, Judy sitting in my recliner this beautiful November day adding this note of thanks. Blessings to all. Leave a comment if you will, and thanks for stopping by.

 

Miracles Do Happen Today

 

                        

 Aspen

The above painting is one of four paintings I have done in the last 3 weeks or so. I will be posting all four soon with an explanation of why the Aspen and why so many.

....

This post is about a friend of mine who I will call "JJ"! She is 81 and lively, interested in everything with always something interesting and fun to hear about.  JJ had not been feeling well for a few days and at the advice of friends and family I took her to a local ER satellite. Within a couple of hours she was in hospital and the subject of all kinds of testing. After all the preliminaries it was decided that she had at sometime had a major heart attach and an angiogram would be administered. On about the 4th morning of her stay the test was administered. All seemed to be expecting that the left side of her heart was dead mostly and much scarring was present in her heart muscle. Very grim. JJ didn't know about what the preliminary test findings were or exactly why the angiogram would be done.

The test results were made known to the family first, but not until the following day. There was no evidence of scarring or damage done to her heart ever. Nothing at all showed up, her heart muscle is as it should be at age 81 for a female. The only reason for her crisis was an infection which was readily taken care of before leaving the hospital.  

JJ is home and taking things a bit slower than the norm for her and gaining strength day by day. The apparent infection had gotten into her blood stream thus the need for taking the meds given and living a bit slower for a few days.

It's now been just a little over a week since she got to go home and she's back in full activity, rejoicing at what God did in her body.

Here's what I think! In this world today, the last thing we look for is a miracle. When one does occur the temptation is to explain it away. I say, don't do that! Miracles can and do happen everyday everywhere and to anyone. People have become so cynical and the sad thing about it is, we miss what our Creator is doing everyday.  So, what if it isn't a miracle? Yea?, so what? What if it is!? and what if He did it for you! or someone you love, or know or heard about?

God, the Creator of all things created, does miracles all the time. Even in your life. I believe it's a better way to think about the things that happen in our lives as we go along, especially in the days that we are living in. 

I challenge you to look for miracles, good things everywhere you are everyday. Start pointing them out to yourself and others. Look for the little things and pay attention to what you are seeing, hearing and what's going on around you. Look for good....I guarantee you will find the good if you intentionally look for it.

It's me, Judy in the Cottage on a Saturday. Hope you enjoy this post and will comment. God Bless all that you lay your hands to as you seek to see his heart for you. Psalm 139

Something Happened when I Turned 80

 

It's October, that's nearly 6 months since my 80th birthday and I still am amazed that I'm actually 80 years old or young. "How can it be?" I say to myself quite regularly. It's even reflected in the mirror. I mean I had the normal aging skin as the normal American woman and then along came my 80th birthday. What's that about?

Here's what I have to say about all that....quite honestly I don't understand it? I'm actually still 30ish on the inside, that didn't change! Still looking for something meaningful to do with the rest of my life. (Been doing that since I was 30ish.) I am more sure of myself now than I ever was and even know who I am. Almost think it would have been great if I'd known that when I was 30ish. Plus what I know now about God's heart for me and those around me and learning more about that daily.

I'm actually beginning to realize that I've lived a long time and know things those younger than myself don't know anything about. They have no point of reference, therefore are clueless about some of the things I talk about. Understanding that everyday conversations have my inserts of past experience and understanding from knowledge of how things work that cannot be known by the younger in the conversation because they didn't live it and I did. Know what I mean?

I think the listener does but I'm wrong.  If they are more than 5 years younger, they can't conceive the fullness of my opinion or answer or deductions even if they are a history buff. Why? because they weren't there, present for the reality of whatever the subject might be, more especially if it's lifetimes lived. Nor can that person see it from my point of view because of the difference in life on earth living.  

I should now understand why I get flack in all kinds of demonstration. I think what I say should be understood as a given. Things I don't mention because I assume the listener understands because I do. BUT they don't and it's natural that they wouldn't...but I didn't get that until 80. Actually come to think of it happens with my age group and in those cases it's because of the difference in the life they lived. Or get this, even the difference is because they don't know what I know because I never mentioned what I know about a particular subject or whatever. It didn't come up or there was no need to mention what I knew about a thing. Get it?

Looks like I'm saying that when we converse with others and get odd responses, don't be offended. Ya just can't explain what you mean by every word you use when there's personal history behind that word or thought that causes you to have a different perspective. I mean...you can't explain every word/thought you have sometimes. Or maybe think you don't have to...

Maybe this is more about both the speaker and the listener. As a listener, if I don't understand something I let the speaker finish what they are talking about and if it hasn't been explained in the total of what they were saying, then I ask questions.

I'm just picking up on all this stuff at 80. This started when people started saying things that told me they either don't believe what I said, or they just don't know what I'm talking about and they try to attach what I've said to something they understand. (btw it doesn't work that way.). Well it is confusing from where I sit. Although when people find out that I'm 80 they say no, more like 60...go figure!

Here's the bottom line as far as I'm concerned. I shall live until I die, I shall be busy until I can't, I will bypass aches and pains and discomfort and just do it anyway whatever it is I want to do, and...I won't tell anyone I might be hurting, not feeling well, can't do something because I'm tired!!! That's concerning living a normal day in a normal way for me. If I really can't do something physically then I won't do it. No complaining. If I really need to go to a doctor I will. The second commandment reads, love your neighbor as you love yourself...I shall love myself by taking care of myself so that I can love my neighbor.

What does that mean to me? I'm making changes in what I eat...backing off of processed foods as much as I can. Making my own bread, not buying boxed foods as much as possible. Eating real sugar but not white, using pink salt, cooking not going out or no fast foods as much as possible. Using real butter, no carbonated drinks. And so on. No covid vaccines but have taken a forever flue, pneumonia, and shingles. Will not take any further vaccines. Will start drinking water that is pure, no additives of anykind. and not from the tap (have to investigate this one). As for loving my neighbor I'm working on 1 Corinthians 13:4...

That's it for this post. May the God of all creation Bless you all, your coming in and going out, everything you lay your hands to as you abide in him and he in you, give you favor and prosper you in health, friendships, family and in the pursuit of living right every day. I'm Judy in the cottage starting my day early.

Please leave a comment before you leave. Thanks, it means a lot to me even if it's just Hi!

 

Dyscalculia at 80

 2 of 6 flower arrangements to sell at the October Craft Fair and I made them all!

(Didn't find out the clear glue used to look like water takes up to 6 mos to solidify)

Now for the real post...

DYSLCALCULIA

One of the several learning disabilities under Dyslexia and I discovered it over the weekend. I must admit I had come across it before but only looked at the Dyslexia and decided I did fall somewhere in that, but the description didn't fully fit me the way I thought it should, so I just ignored it.

AND then along came this past weekend and for a reason I don't remember, I looked up dyslexia again and saw the "calcul" part of the word and was curious, so I clicked on it. Oh my... I still haven't really believed that there on the screen was nearly a perfect description of me and my experiences in learning and maintaining what I did learn. After all these years it's hard to believe there is an explanation for all the doubt and difficulty and wondering about why I just couldn't get it with numbers!

The thing is there's more to it than just not being able to memorize the multiplication tables when I was in elementary school. When I graduated from High School it was with only having completed General Math. No other math! None! And I barely passed it. When I was very young my grandmother lived with us, and she took care of my sister and me while my parents both worked. When I was, I think the 3rd grade she had me evaluated, with the permission of my parents, for mental retardation.

That didn't answer her concerns about my learning abilities because I passed just fine. That was in the mid 1950's, and I don't think the knowledge of the whole stream of dyslexia learning disabilities had yet been widely known if known at all. I was always a little concerned that she thought along those lines but now at 80 I realize that she knew something wasn't right. She just didn't know what. She had been a grade schoolteacher in her younger years. 

Along with not being able to think of numbers the way my classmates did is also a glitch in understanding things connected to what numbers are related to. To put it in real life I've always had difficulty with balancing a check book, even with a calculator. I worked at a bank several times and I could handle the money for the customer at my window. Make change, cash checks and take deposits. What I had extreme difficulty with was balancing at the end of the day. When things didn't balance, I could look at the calculator tape and not see anything. But the Head Cashier would take one look and find the mistake immediately. That was without comparing it to anything but the cash count.

There are many other things this disability touches which I won't go into...just google it if you are interested.  The real excitement came when I saw the following paragraph title "Superpowers"! As I read it, actually word for word the tears began to well up but never quite overflowed. The description was nearly perfect about things I can do artistically, how I intuitively know things, the insight that seems to turn out to be right usually and so on. And the way I think! How I seem to think of things outside the box in problem solving. Redesigning something that doesn't quite meet the need. The ability to rebuild, redesign and make a poor design of my own into something that works even though. As long as |I don't have to measure, or it doesn't have to be perfect in that aspect it's all good.

I once bought an old armoire redesigned it into an office piece with a fold out work surface for a desk, holes for the wires to go through in the back, shelves under the computer, shelves above for binders and papers. Instead of using the doors to the original piece, I replaced them with a couple of swing out rods that opened in the middle and hung curtains on both so that the inside of the cabinet could be closed from view. It worked great for a couple of months but then I noticed it was beginning to lean. That continued to continue until one day it became too obvious as I was sitting at the computer as it was moving. Ah phooey! I had a friend take it outside and break it apart and throw it in the dumpster. I knew then it was the measuring etc.                   

                                                                             The Cabinet    👀                                                                                     

That's my cat Iris.  First is the cabinet being dismantled in part. Second is the working cabinet. The piece propped up on the side is the inside of the front door. 

I'm so thankful even at this moment that all those years that I struggled with the reading, spelling, grammar and particularly numbers. Never be able to understand how grammar worked or math. With those two things being so primary, basic, in everyday living and I couldn't figure out why I just can't do either without a great deal of frustration and event tears at times. There's an answer, it's real and it's has absolutely nothing to do with my intelligence. And the plus is that in some areas I'm on the top side of above others.  

If this post at all interests, you for personal reasons...look it up!!!

This is me, Judy once again sitting at my monitor attached to my laptop on the desk, I assembled from two file cabinets and a board which resides in my craft room! This is where I create. Believe it or not I am apparently somewhat gifted with creative writing. I'm so much better for this information. It explains me to me.  Blessings to you each one. In the Cottage, I'm Gramms of Gramms Cottage Creations. Not a business just a name for my creations. 

Budgeting Social Security at 80, oh dear!

 You'd think that at 80 years old one would have mastered working with a monthly budget...you would think! Living on Social Security is not for the meek. When I think about it I think well how hard can it be? I get one check every month and it's the same amount every month.  Right? Right!

So what's the problem? 

Good question, what is the problem Judy?

Okay, I'll tell you the problem. The amount of the check never varies. It's always the same and the date I receive it is always the same unless the date it is due is on a weekend or holiday and then it comes on the Friday before it's due.

That sound's easy enough!

Let me finish. After setting up the due date with my apartment I then make arrangements with the bank. Then the month starts and the auto payments for rent, electricity and all the other regular payments to be made begin hitting the bank. So far so good.

Then one of the auto payments is increased from the merchant and you didn't get a warning, or at least you don't remember getting a notice soon. So one of the first checks bounce so you go look at your budget and discover one of the auto pays took 2 payments at the same time. So now you are in trouble. So you hurry up today to instigate a change on the spreadsheet you've been working off of. And so it goes for the next 2 weeks. It all looks pretty good with just a few minor number changes. Somewhere in the last week you get notification that a payment was not made. And you apparently spend the money because you thought all the payments have been clearing day by day and though there were a few surprises things are looking pretty good.

So because you are confident in the numbers, You start doing a little at a time of shopping. Then a bill  in the in box says that you had forgotten to pay. That sort of thing seems to continue on through the next 2 weeks and before you know it there's just  few dollars left.

AND THEN...the car starts acting up making loud tapping noises and it just keeps getting louder and then, oh no, the engine light comes on. Ok, that's it, time to call the mechanic. Now the car is in the garage until later this week and I' thinking about having it towed, that is if the insurance covers that reason for towing. I'll know that in the morning when I call the insurance. At this point I refuse to worry about where's the money coming from to fix the car?

Because there's no piggy bank or sock under the matteess and the wallet is empty there's only one other option.  If you're thinking what I'm thining thaen that one last option is "faith and trust" that The God that created all that is created is well able and even willing to see me through this and so that's where I am as I type. I'm hoping and continuing to pray asking for more favor than usual. That's what I'm determined to do is quite fretting over this issue at the beginning of already designated funds with nothing extra left...I trust that God will make a way....

To be continued

The Wedding

 Update...Wedding was  great and couple are  now Mr. and Mrs. and all the guests are gone, place is cleaned up and couple are on their honey moon. As for me? Whew, I've had a day of rest and plan on a couple more then hit the floor running toward the Craft Fair...have much to do but not today, tomorrow or the next day. It was fun, the wedding lovely and the reception great with lots of relatives to get caught up with. The couple will come back to their little cottage that's all fixed up and she is moved in for the most part, just her clothes and other personal items. The new life for them has begun, God bless them and their lies together, Amen

The painting has nothing to do with the Topic. It is one of the first paintings I actually sold. Painted in the 70's on  3/4" Plywood with Oils. My Mother had it professionally framed. I always liked it!

and now...

The Wedding

My youngest grandson is getting married to his long time girlfriend, fiance on Saturday next.  He is my husbands namesake so his first name is the last name and his middle name is my husbands middle name. He turned 19 earlier this year and is a remarkable young man. One some would call an old soul because of his level of maturity at such a young age. Just a  couple of years ago he earned and saved his money and bought a used VW before he had his license to drive.  How did he do that? Well, any money he got from gifts, paid odd jobs doing all sorts of things and as soon as legal his first job...he saved! He just saved! Every bit of it. I nearly couldn't believe it, but he did. 

Anyway, both sides of the families are in agreement  and it's just a wonderful and unusual gathering of two families helping  in the process of planning and getting ready for the big day.

 I'm the only grandparent on his side and his soon to be Bride has 3 but I haven't met them yet. I am part of the wedding party so I'm going to the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception dinner. I'm taking assorted cubed cheeses for the reception dinner. It's a small wedding with lots of the Bride's family pitching in using their many talents in dressmaking, baking and decorating and will be in a small Church that the couple have been attending for several years beginning in the lower grades of high school. Lots of family will attend. I do have to say that's it's much larger than my wedding. They are pretty much fixed for household needs through several wedding showers given in the last couple of months so there have been gifts galore.

I haven't been to a wedding since my youngest daughter got married as I recall and that was 25 years ago. I am ready though. Have had my outfit for a month at least. Thursday I'm going all out and getting a mani and a pedi, just because. I had to have a dress for the rehearsal and a different one for the wedding but I'm good and ready pretty much.  Such a big event and because much family will be around, I get to hold my 3 month old great grand daughter over the festivities and that's a super duper big deal. 

A little bit sad that my husband isn't alive to take it all in. He would have loved every minute and would have been in the middle of everything whether invited or not, he just woulda!  There will be a table set up at the reception I think with relative's pictures displayed so I've provided a good picture of him. I didn't know it's what's done now. Things do change. 

I'll be one of the oldest attending the big event. The Bride's grand parents are in their 80's also which means I won't be the oldest, just among the oldest.  Never thought of myself that way...hmmmm!

The couple are so young! That was my first thought! But...I was 18 and my husband had just turned 20 two months before we married. So, what can I say?  Except...they are so young. He has a full time job and has as much higher education as he intends at this point anyway. I'm not sure but I think he has an associates in business but I could be wrong. Yeah, he was home schooled so way advanced in his education compared to public school graduates. He was actually attending junior college while attending high school and a month after his high school graduation, he graduated from the 2 year college he was going to simultaneously/

Can you tell I'm amazed and very proud of this young man?

Today was a somewhat sad day because I gave my little companion Milo away and he left yesterday in the early evening for North Carolina. It was for the best for him and I know I needed to do it for him. The young woman I gave him to is the one who rescued him from the grassy area between the highway and the access road just outside of town nearly 2 years or more ago. She had him 3 days before she found me.

So, he's on his way with her and her other dog Otis whom Milo just loves and considers himself the little brother of.  And, it's been so quiet today and all his things are gone. I will eventually replace him with  a kitten but not until after the first of the new year.  Too many things on the calendar between now and then.

Well, this has been a long post but then it's been a little longer between posts this time so lots going on. I do hope those of you who are reading my posts enjoy this one. It is a little different but never-the-less life of a now 80 year old widow, still determined to live everyday completely all in! I truly hope the last few weeks have been successful and the ones following will also be prosperous even though the times we are living in seem to be against us. I know the One who can keep me where I need to be and I hope you do as well.

This is Judy in Gramms Cottage writing at 3:42am the day after Labor Day 2024, saying goodnight and peace be with you all.

Estrangement - When an adult daughter divorces her Mom?

Salt dough Christmas Lamb.

***

   You probably didn't do anything!

At least that's what my research has discovered. Most moms who are experiencing this devastating non-relationship sure didn't see it coming.  To top it off what you think may be the reason or you are certain it's the reason probably doesn't have anything to do with your daughter's decision to distance herself from you in such an absolute manner. This is what my research said. It also said that taking on the blame for the unknown is not helpful and doesn't aid in resolving the situation. It wasn't your choice. You are not responsible for another's choices. We each have a right to choose.  Most likely there isn't anything you could have done to change anything.  It won't make any difference to the current situation to rehash what you think may have caused the result. Make peace with yourself and God and move forward.

It's the Holiday Season and particularly in this season this is a most difficult subject to post but on behalf of Moms who are in the midst of such a devastating circumstance I have felt it important to talk/write about my experience that is ongoing. I have done some looking around on the web to see what may be available to me that would help in anyway with my heart as I continue my way in the acceptance of something I have no control over. I have found that this thing that happens between family members is not at all rare and is on the rise. It is also not talked about much because of guilt, embarrassment, disbelief and many other reasons and feelings. So, here I am with my own version of estrangement initiated by my oldest daughter beginning in her mid 50's, my mid 70's.

I never even considered estrangement. Saw a few movies on TV about it and I think someone I knew long ago told me about it. I can remember seeing special stories reported in the news over the years about a parent and child being reunited after years of a separation by the choice of one or the other or maybe even consensual. Never in my wildest ideas and thought did ever consider I might have to really live it myself.

The date has escaped my memory, maybe that's intentional I don't know. I suppose if I tried, I could come close the time frame, but it isn't that important exactly when it happened. I don't know what the catalyst was or is. I think about it and really it could have been what was a slow-mo implosion that happened very quietly. Born out of offenses taken in both parties. The turning point did not contain conversation. There wasn't a face to face argument or yelling or anything like that. If there was a discussion I do not recall and considering the length of time it is possible I have blocked somethings out. As my memory serves me, I wrote a letter to my daughter with specific demands and ultimatums. Maybe that was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak and what did it. There was never a direct response to me from her and I haven't seen her since before the letter until just recently. 

I have not heard her voice. I am barred from knowing her address and that came when I asked for her address and was told that her she didn't want me to have her address so I didn't get it then. I have since learned that she doesn't want to know anything about me until it's over. I guess that means she doesn't want to know that I'm dying until after I die. Interesting and saddening. 

There have been family gatherings I wasn't invited to that she attended and that came to me via pictures posted of everyone but me attending. There was an event planned in which I informed that I would be at the party during a particular time frame to allow my daughter to attend without seeing me. Turned out she didn't go because of illness. On several occasions during the first year of the estrangement I attempted to have a conversation but a full stop was instituted the first time and at subsequent attempts. Never allowed to defend my stance or to hear my side of whatever the issue is that caused the separation or even if it was a letter.  

I even did some research to find out how long these situations typically last and found that between Mother and daughter it's 9 years generally. Some are shorter and some never reconnect. So, that was not a hope builder. I have no solution nor answers or even suggestions how to bridge the gap. I can say what I'm doing and not doing while I hope. At this point I'm not even waiting or looking for it to happen. I wouldn't say I've lost hope but what I have done is I've given it to my Heavenly Father because I have no control over what happens except for my own heart. 

My daughter is an adult and in her 60's now and completely in control of her decision making. At that age we've all actually been making our own decisions for many years, and we get to live with those decisions. So, she has made her decision and continues to maintain those decisions. Therefore, she owns it all. I haven't had anything to do with it for a very long time. Why do I say that? Because since she decided to pull away, I have had no options but to honor her choice.

I've not been allowed to have contact with her in any way. Again, her choice. I did not make that choice, so I don't own the whole thing. That idea has given me freedom to live my life to its fullest. Because I cannot do anything to change her mind but I can choose to be responsible for my choice to move forward and not get stuck in something I cannot control or do anything to resolve. 

I'm 80 now and I'm pretty much okay except when I'm not. And those "not" times happen maybe about every 4 or 5 months. When it does hit me, those sometimes are worse than others and some last longer than others but the good thing is I do pull out of them. I've just come out of one of those "not" times and it's very fresh but I am out of it. Each time is similar to the grief I suffered through when my husband died. 

The difference is she is alive and lives in the town down the road and visits her son and other family regularly. When one of those 'not's I mentioned happens I run the gambit of emotions in my head. When it first happened, I tried everything I could think of to mend the fence. What put a stop to that was when she decided not to let me have her address. When I was told me that she didn't want me to have her address, it began a whole new era in our relationship. 

Rejection from a child no matter how old they are is real. She is a woman in her 60's and it's a whole different issue and touches so many other feelings than when as a child gets mad at you.  No question now that as an adult with grown children of her own it's a real decision a thought-out choice. 

I do know that once we become adults, we get to legitimately make our own choices and the way I see it it's up to me to respect and honor her right to choose. So, when I am okay, I can live with that. When I'm not okay, I write a letter that never gets sent. I've written to her; I have written to her husband and emailed it. Those that I don't send are for venting, requesting that we reconcile. In the email I did send to the son in law, I said if he wasn't comfortable corresponding with me, I would understand and if I didn't hear from him soon, I would not bother him again. I haven't heard from him and that's been quite some time ago...months maybe even a year ago. 

Am I living my life? Absolutely! Am I happy, yes! Am I fulfilled? Yes! What there is though is a deeply seeded sorrow for the lack of my oldest daughter in my life with a desire that one day this will all be over. That part is hope, the hope that comes from my Savior Jesus Christ and that's how I can be all the above and enjoy life and I am enjoying my life even when a "not" time occurs. I don't know if this post is helpful except that sometimes I know that just knowing someone else has been through what I might be going through is encouragement. 

I hope that is the case for the reader whoever you are and whatever you may have going on in the life you are living that you are taking care of yourself.  Estrangement...even if it's someone else's. Maybe someone known to you is living with this kind of a divorce. I do know I've done all I can, and I've covered it all in prayer to my Heavenly Father and I know he is working when I don't see that he is working. In that comes the ability to be hopeful and keep on living my life joyfully. I hope for the day of reconciliation. 

I've talked a bit about choices, and I want to say something more about that. As adults have to can make choices. We can change our mind about those choices. It's a God given right. He won't stop us from making poor choices because He created us with that option to freely choose when there's an option.  He will only intervene when we ask. But we have to actually do that. If we ask, He will answer.

Once you invite God in you will begin the healing process, and an estrangement situation will no longer have power over you. That doesn't mean you will forget that person but it can mean the pain won't be there when you do think of her or even him. Choose to live the remainder of life in peace. This is what I'm working on doing now. And when the "not" comes I write a letter that never gets sent and I say everything that hurts at the moment.  Once I type it out where I can see it, I have a manner of relief.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think. I really want to know. I'm in the cottage and May God bless you and keep you. Judy PS...our enemy Satan came to steel, kill and destroy. We who believe in Jesus know we have been protected and speaking His name "Jesus" will send the plans of our enemy to flight. Jesus is who he says he is, we have the God given right to stand up and choose Jesus over everything that concerns us. (meaning even our hurt and memories) because of John 3:16.

Follow-up. There was a wedding of which both my daughter and I attended. Though we came close never made eye contact or any other kind of connection. It was a surprisingly easy thing to accomplish. Still sad but I was able to accomplish the desired outcome of the situation without any unpleasantness. A week prior to the wedding and having the address through other sources, I sent a bouquet of flowers with a note which read "can we start over? Mom". I received no answer or recognition I know it was delivered because I called the florist to be sure. I have settled my heart that I have done all I can and decided, unless I change my mind, not to make any further attempts.  My choice.

I pray that anyone who reads this post and is in the midst of an estrangement will find some kind of encouragement, direction, help or anything positive out of my experience. My heart is with you, I understand as do many, many others. I pray God blesses you with restoration and peace over all.
 

Visit to Nurse PA and then...stayed!

Went to see the nurse and ended up in the ER then the hospital!

Who knew? Well of course God knew. At some juncture the thought did occur to me that I was going to hospital, but it was a fleeting thought. Sure, enough one thing led to another and there I was at 10am in bed in the ER at the hospital where I worked a long time ago in the gift shop. The hospital that my youngest daughter spent most of her 30-year career as a nurse. She was who I called when the VA Nurse Practitioner advised me very strongly to go to an ER. We left my car in the parking lot and at about 10 checked into the ER without having to wait as I recall. 

The whole protocol has changed since I was in hospital several years back. Now there is an ER doctor and hospitalists who are the hospitals doctors who rotate shifts who call all the shots literally. Specialists consult but it's the hospitalist who writes the orders for everything. He admits and discharges. Any other doctor in your life has not position except to do surgery. Specialists' can be called in but though they can order testing it is the hospitalist who actually puts all things in motion.

 My cardiologist ordered a test but it was the hospitalist who got it on the move and though the specialist told me to make an appointment in two weeks and he'd tell me what the test revealed. But that didn't happen...too many people on the way. I have yet to get an appointment from the powers that be. I expect to hear about that maybe next week, maybe. I had really good care in spite of all the rigmarole. 

Meals were excellent. All good color and tasty and more than enough food. Everything in that area was best ever as far as I'm concerned. The reason for all of the attention was triple digit numbers in my blood pressure and a really low heartbeat. The bp numbers have been going on since March this year and this is now August 3rd. I'm glad to be home and the numbers are all good now. A good many meds changed and some deleted. Since I've been home, I'm just plain tired. My EKG showed some scar tissue so the cardiologist things I've had an attack but I'm guessing I'll find out when at the appointment in his clinic. My daughter has been the best during the whole 5 days...guess 6 days now. She had all the information the doctors asked me for...I had no clue! And when I needed help, she went to bat for me and got what was needed during the 4 days I was there. She took Milo home with her. 

Milo was my dog at the time. He looks like a small black fox for which I'm exceedingly thankful... I couldn't have done so well without my daughter. This is the second day home and I'm ok but really tired. Didn't get to go to my grandsons wedding shower... and won't be going to church tomorrow. Not all that stable walking. I spent every day in bed. The walking I did was from the bed to the bathroom and back. So thankful to back in my own bed with my pooch. I'm on the mend and should be up and at'em the beginning of the week and I'm looking forward to that. In the meantime, I haven't done much of anything. 

About Milo...He has gone to North Carolina to live with his new mom and new brother Otis, a graying Chiwawa. (Can never remember how to spell it so it's phonetic.) I came back to this post to add the picture and decided to do some editing in the spelling and grammar and thought to redo Milo's info. I Miss him but he's got a buddy now to interest him and not be alone when his mom is gone. He was pretty lonesome with me.

 Guess I'll turn out the light on the day. This is Judy from Gramms Cottage with Milo alongside saying goodnight and God Bless all. Leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you.

Sometimes Life is Just Hard

So I've put some pictures up for you to see why I've named this post "Sometimes Life is Just Hard". When I moved into my new apartment there was a flowerbed on the right next to the garage on my way to the front door. It was full of white landscaping rock. Because my frontdoor along with my porch neighbor is an alcove that collects whatever the wind blows the white rocks collect that stuff and it looses it's attrativeness. Sooo, I advertised on marketplace for white landscape rock FREE for the taking. Not too many days after I posted there was a taker. He and his significant other were doing some landscaping and he wanted the rock. And he actually did come and get all the rock (or at least the white rock, there was more than one level). As advertised, he took both mine and my neighbors rock Well then what? I had no plan.So for the last several weeks the flower bed was bare dirt with the second layer of rock revealing itself here and there. So, while I was thinking about what I was going to do with the flowerbed, I raked the remaining rock into piles with kind of a design developing in the process. The second picture is the beginnings of the plan I came up with. This was after clearing it with the management of the complex I live in. There is no water access in the flowerbed. There use to be but it has since stopped working and the sprinkler heads have been capped, so absolutely no water. The plan is...artificial turf with islands and a water feature. Some potted plants and eventually plantings of ornamental, drought tollerant grasses and whatever else I come up with all which will be planted on the islands. I spent last eveing laying the artifical turf. Hopefully I got the nap of the grass baldes heading all the same way. Using 6' nails each cut piece is nailed to the ground. The heads of the nails show, so I'm going to have to figure out how to fix that. I did buy some play sand for the infill which will be sprinkled on the turf, after I brush up the blades of grass so that they are standing up straight. The infill is suppose to help keep the blades standing up, weight the grass material down, and help the turf hug the ground. The turf I purchased was 3'x9' and I knew it wouldn't be enough to do the entire area I wanted to cover. I'm not really good at measuring for such a job so I elected to order one piece, lay it before ordering the rest of what I need. Anyway. I got as far as nailing the pieces down on the dirt. The next step will be to brush the blades up so they are standing up intsead of laying down. Then comes the sprinkling of the play sand and then somehow camoflaging the nail heads. Maybe just painting them to match the turf will work. May need to tape the back side of the turf where there are pieces joined to help keep them in place. BTW, it's not hard to pull up the nails. The water feature is a small pond ground with some big rocks and fake greenery placed around. I checked it out before buying the turf and it worked well. Later I plugged it in and it didn't work. I purchased a water resistant outdoor extension cord and haven't tested it yet but have decided that if the pump doesn't turn on when plugged in, I'm going to replace it with a solar operated pump. I probably should have done that to start with but I had an electric pump already so I put it in place. ld Sometimes Life gets Hard and this project has tested my abilities to carry out the plan. There's more to come and I'll be posting next time on the completion of the project in a couple of weeks. To tell the truth, I love the challenge and at 80, I operate under the idea that if I don't use it I'll loose it...talking about my physical strength. So until then don't let difficultiy stop you from doing things. Just do it! This is Judy on a Friday night doing what I really enjoy doing and that's writing. Blessings to all who read what I share and please leave a comment. I really would love to hear from you.

I've Got Pictures

The following are pictures of some of the crafts I am making for the October Craft Fair in my community that will be open to the city. Another picture is of two little blue pots with neat bouquets which will sell as a pair or single and beside them is a writing journas which I made including sewing the signatures (smaller grouped pages that make up the whole boo). This style of journal is called "Junk Journals". Within the pages are little suprises of little pockets to hold anything you want, like cash or pictures, notes, movie tickets. I like to encourage journalling because is can have such a positive effect on the individual. I personally use my journals like a diary but also write prayers out. The next photos are of little books. I call the sall ones "Something to Write On.They are to carry in a purse These pictures are of the crafts I'm making for the October Craft Fair in my community. I', signing off to the sounds of fire works in the night because it's the 4th of July the anniversary of our great nations's independance day. Happy Birthday America. I pray for far better day ahead!!!

These little paper shirts for both male and female are oragami and will hold a gift card or dollar bills of any denomination. They can even be hung on a Christmas Tree. The second picture shows one shirt folded up and the second is opened up so you can see where to put the gift card or cash in the folds then the bottom folds up and tucks under the points of the collar.

Crafting Again...YAY!

Everything's a big mess in my new craft room. I clean up and then mess it up! an ongoing cycle and I absolutely love crafting in my craft room. There's going to be a craft fair at my new apartment complex in October. I understand they do so every year. Apparently I get 2 6' long tables at no charge and I can sell my crafts and keep all the proceeds. So I have begun my planning as well as crafting. My list of crafts to be ready to sell includes, hand crafted jewelry by me, refreshed old jewelry collected, origami folded paper shirts that hold money or a gift Card, junk journals and small paper books for notes titled "something to write on" designed for purse or wallet, jewelry crafts like wall hangings and yard sale items renewed that haven't sold in the past like ceramic containers with floral arrangement included and various other renewed or newly adapted for new uses items. 

 Have already started making, selecting things, cleaning things, refreshing things and making display containers and adding to them. Don't know how much I will come up with from now until mid October but I'm gonna give it my best shot. Not interested in making Christmas decor mostly thinking about gifts and gift tags and cards with Christmas in mind the rest will be for gifting. I learned so much while I was into jewelry making about display and making my own display holders that while making the items I'm also making things to display the crafts I make on. All very creative. I don't really have any pictures to add here. 

Well, I think I'll postpone posting this until tomorrow when I can take some pictures of what I'm making for show and tell....yup, think I'll do that. Right now it's 3:40am so I need to turn out the light and go to sleep instead of keep writing. SO...nite nite and I take this up tomorrow and get it posted then.... Still didn't take any pics but before I say goodnight this Sat. night I want to mention what I'm amazed about and that is those of you who read my posts are from all over the World.

I mentioned Hong Kong where there are the most readers then there's Singapore, France and so many more. I just want to say thank you all for popping in and reading what I write. I'd love to hear from you individually and I can if you will leave a comment or you can just say Hi. Maybe I'll remember about the pics tomorrow...Goodnight all....

having trouble arranging the pictures but these are just a couple of crafts in the making. The reindeer are made of salt dough and they are bow ornaments to put on a Christmas gift.

Hello readers in Hong Kong

Every time I post I look at who reads my blog. Not really who but where the readers are in this world. The biggest or most readers are from Hong Kong so far for June. What a suprise and I just want to say thank you for visiting and reading. I would love to hear from you in the comment section if you want even just to say Hi. If you would like for me to write about something you want to know about leave your idea in the comment and I will write about your request. It would certainly be a pleasure to do so. This is a picture of my back porch at my new home.

Did I tell you I'm a great grandmother?

 Isn't it wonderful?                                                                                            So thankful for Mazie!

Mazie  7.11#'s

And she's beautiful. I've gotten lots of pictures thanks to my daughter who is with her daughter and her new baby daughter. Well, that's my big news. They live far far away but it's okay. When I was having my babies I lived far far away from my parents and grandparents. Technology may be frustrating sometimes but I'm sure thankful that I get to see her in real time on my laptop and hear the conversations  going on while I get to watch baby Mazie sleep. LOL, I think that's funny. It is actually fun and a treat to get to see her sleeping while life goes on around her she is all snuggled up sleeping.   

In the mean time back at the cottage, I've unpacked the last box and busy now organizing the closets and each room, one at a time. Some rooms, like the craft room, are a continual organizing and reorganizing but that's to be expected. 

I knew my life was going to change because of this move. Texas is big and it takes a while to get where you want to go no matter where you live. I moved across town and its like moving to a different town. The same stores I shopped at before have branches where I moved and I'm noticing they are each laid out just a little bit differently so things aren't in the same place in each store. The traffic is terrific here more than where I was and I was in a busy area. I'm using more gas going across town to church and friends and it takes more time to get across town from where I am now. Looks like my gas budget is going to increase considerably and I'm thinking I have to run errands and stay out longer by trying to take care of them in one trip. Kinda like living out in the country only not if you get what I mean. Other things are looking like change is gonna happen too like seeing friends less often and maybe even changing churches. Because there seems to be more traffic it's a bit more of effort to get somewhere because of the amount of cars and the speed limit is higher so everyone is moving faster. Not a problem really just different.

I'm glad I made the move it's really good and I must admit I do like change. Brings lots of new things and new people and different experiences. It's really a good thing, kind of like an adventure.  My apartment is much more square footage and so I walk more just inside my home from room to room and up and down the hallway and that can't be bad. The neighborhood is much safer to walk my pooch. The streets are narrow and curvy and there is a no trespassing sign at the entry of the community. So most of the cars are residents or visitors so nearly no traffic. Milo and I walk safely and he is beginning to be familiar with the streets we walk in and the other dogs of the neighborhood. He's not real friendly with them though, just their owners. He likes them alot. I've done a little crafting  while sorting all the box contents since the first of May. I do have big plans in that aspect of my new residence.  Slowly but surely the craft room is looking better and less congested.

Life is good these days for me and I hope the same is for you where ever you are. I know, there's lots to complain about but I choose not to do that. I really am thankful for all this move has given me, even the gas and time  that has changed. That's it for this post. It's a little after 11pm so time to turn in on this 6th of June. God bless you and yours...keep looking up, it's just easier on the eyes and thoughts. 

Leave a comment, that's something I haven't had yet but I sure would like to know what's on your mind. I'm Judy, in my room at my new cottage...good night.