Do I really know how? Living fully as a widow!

 

Living fully as a widow.

Over thinking is one of the regular things I do. Though off and on I try not to do that, it's just apparently what I do. This is one of those subjects.  Now, why would I over think this subject...I'm sure you are interested (har-har)? 

Because I are one! It's been 20 years, nearly since my beloved, one and only love...moved on and left my presence. Since I'm a believer in the triune one and only Creator of all things created, know we will meet up again in a far far better place than where we once were together. Having stipulated that fact, in my over thinking I would consider my time in as a widow a benefit in overcoming the earlier obstacles of life with out him. But is that really true? Do or will I?

Yes and No! Most of the time I'm good with my life, though that's taken much longer than this impatient kind of expectation was realized. I keep purposely busy and this is for several reasons. One is because as a senior senior it's common to not push any longer but to think it time to just rock and remember.  That's not me. I'm out and about regularly visiting friends, taking care of life situations, groceries and the like. I also craft all kinds of things for self and as gifts and just because I can. 

I've written a book and fixing to finish off another. Also, keep a journal. Recently I organized and put in to action a 6 week widows support group in my church.  Will also do so again in the Fall. That was like a full time job. Also instigated this post. 

It's true I have come through years of change in amounting to a reasonable acceptance of a widows life. I have done the don'ts and managed to learn something and have done some things in a good way for me. The question I noticed when standing in front of other widows, each one in a different time of recovery, have I really got any measure of wisdom and knowledge that is helpful in where they are at the moment?

Temporarily I've come to this: I can't fix their pain. No matter what experiences I share with them about my own struggles and successes. But, I know who can, who will, who wants to.

That statement is the footing to my personal life purpose today. My life is a success story because of where I once was and where I chose to be which has brought me to today. To top that off, it's only going to get better for me as time continues to pass. I have everything to look forward to, which gives me a confidence in life today as a widow. Where once I thought there was an end to my days, I know know that's just not true for anyone.  Not for anyone!

• To answer my post question  title.. I offer this,
• I know at the beginning my form I am an eternal being..
• I know every human being is eternal...
• I know we have all been given free will...
• I know we get to choose the change of our earth suit style...
• I have made the choice to change my earth suit for a perfect suit without any blemish...perfect!
• I have made the choice to live a beautiful eternity full of abundance of every good thing.

So, in summation, do I know how? I continue to learn and yes is the answer. Am I living fully as a widow?  I continue to learn how and reach for the goal that is before me and the answer is yes and it gets better! And, how can I honestly say that? Because I know what happens after my earth suit wears out that I will get a better forever suit immediately.

Yep, I'm Judy, sitting on my couch in the middle of a Saturday writing what's on my mind and in my heart. I invite you to leave a remark in the comment so I know what you're thinking. May God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit richly bless you and yours.

81+10days

 I call them "Tunes" because they are most often happy.... like a happy tune and make me smile when no one is around. They hang on my back porch, one on each side and a gift from a long time, faithful, great friend.

I love Petunias. They ...if they get water regularly...faithfully bloom in such a happy and cheerful way, no matter their color. 

It's funny when you think about what can make you smile when you least expect it, not looking for it or thinking about smiling. For instance, while I've been writing or trying to write my orange tabby Joey, has been trying to gain my complete attention because he is jealous of my laptop and at other times the phone. My example is him jumping up on the arm of my recliner and very casually gently stepping in between me and the keyboard/screen and sitting down. As he completely impairs my view and my typing, and yet he does so in such a "it's me time!" way...how can I not stop and pay attention to him. He is presently on the top of the back of the recliner just above my head. Now that makes me smile too!

All the above makes me think I must come up with a closing thoughtful comment that sounds grand and may even make the reader smile. That would be great it I could.

So...here it is, no matter what day of the week it is, or what those days have held for you...look for a moment to smile. Allow it to happen no matter what is going on at the moment or how important you think the moment is...let the smile begin and spread across your face and bloom and invade that moment. It will indeed make for a cheerful heart.

                              

                 

 May God Bless you and keep you...for now and forever more. It's Judy in the red recliner typing away with "tunes" blooming outside and Joey just lounging above my head as I sign off. May I say...I have a smile on my face 

                                                             and it feels good!

 

                                          

Another Day and Boom!

 

                    

                                                     

This cutie pie just turned 81

Can't hardly believe it. Funny thing is when I turned 80 last year I felt the same way. Honestly on the inside I see myself in my mid to late 30's. Of course when I look in the mirror reality strikes and I think it's my Mother for a mini instant. Or....who is that woman in the mirror. I'm sure most women look in the mirror as the years go by and say similar things.

The thing is, that doesn't change a thing. Birthdays still come, pass on by and here comes another one. Of course in the human way to think it's a good thing but in the spiritual sense, well I'll just say there's a far better place I will be someday.

The older I get the more important eternity becomes and I'm every so glad I know where I will be when this earth suit no longer works and those that are still here will be stuck with a small box of ashes. But as for me, I'll be long gone with a new forever suit to wear that never wears out or gets sick or anything like what I've faced when my feet were on the earth.  One way or another that shouldn't be too much longer.

Now that was kinda morbid. I didn't mean it like that but it's true. I never use to think of it that way but as the years, I mean the recent years are moving on up it is something I do consider from time to time.

As for now, heres an encouraging thing for me to say. So far the 80's are a good number at least for me. I'm content in my life and though a widow life is really good. I have my new kitty "Joey" a teen aged orange tabby as my room mate. He's pretty cool for a cat.

And the rest of my life is pretty full. I live in a nice place, and apartment complex with good neighbors, I go to a good little church and facilitate a class for widows...that's new. I have family near and they are all fun and a great grand baby girl in a different state but I get to watch her on my phone. She'll be a year old shortly.

I stay pretty busy and I still spend time in my craft room and give a way what I make or use it myself. I gave my good friend some painted rocks for her prayer garden. Two lady bugs and tuo pretty beetles. I took them to her today just for grins. Every Tuesday is the widows group so I study and prepare a lesson of sorts for that, print handouts for the hour long meeting. It's a small group for now. 

I move a bit slower than I used to but I move. I do have a few plants outside and since there aren't any water faucets around I water them by hand daily, so they are cared for. I got two purple patoonia hanging pots and you have to dead head (take off the dead flowers) them everyday. They hang outon the back porch and then there are a couple of spider plants in the front in the shade and a few small plants in the little strip of garden area at the front and that's enough anyway.

That's it for now. My friend Nancy made a lemon cake with lemon frosting for my Birthday Cake and it was yummy. Got a gift card from my daughter from Hobby Lobby so I went shopping the next day and bought stuff for my craft room.

Tomorrow is Good Friday so I'll go to the service in the evening and then Suday it'll be Resurrection Sunday and then dinner at the daughters with more family. Hope all have a blessed celebration this weekend. It's really early in the am and I need to sleep so, nite nite and God Bless each and everyone. I'm Judy in the cottage with Joey sleeping right next to me. Sleep tight and goodnight.

You Knew

 You Knew

You saw me look at his closed eyes,

That very instant I lost myself

But you knew where I put me.

My Daughters were watching me

And I was just fine

I cried out to you but had nothing to say 

And you knew the words I didn’t speak

 I Iost me right then

You knew where I left me

I wasn’t really lost just thought I was gone

 I was upset and beside myself 

you calmed me down and let me cry

The days passed and I didn’t know them

I wasn’t there to watch them go

You knew it all along and held my hand but I 

Didn’t notice you were even there

You were there when I knew he wasn’t

I thought I saw him the other day but it wasn’t him at all

I ran toward my memories but I couldn’t  see him anywhere.

Where was he anyway when he is not with me

Is he hunting or fishing or on his way

I cannot find him anywhere

 

You knew I lost me 

 even where I put me, 

You knew where I was all along

You didn’t forget me though I thought I did

You’ve loved me through it all.

Here I am again this time with you

I didn’t know it at the time

But I know it now

You are where I’m meant to be

I miss him every day 

But I must say

I love you more than I can even think to say

Because it’s you who will never leave me.

It’s you who holds my heart, it’s always been that way

My maker and my redeemer, with you I’m meant to be.

By Judy Chase

A few years ago there was a beautiful worship song "Defender" buy Jesus Culture of which I may have used some of the words and concept of the song in this poem. This poem bounces off my memory of that song and though I don't remember the song itself I want to give honor to those who wrote it and performed it for the inspiration of "You Knew".  

The Kick Off

A couple of posts back I talked about a new ministry that I was going to organize to start in the Spring. Yesterday was the Kick Off for "A Widows Window" a support group in my church for widows. After many team meetings the class turned out very well. Got some good feed back. And, it's a GO! Had originally set it up for 6 weeks for starters but thinking I need to expand it until the first of August. So, every Tuesday at 10 am until August 1st...my gut feeling is it's gonna grow.

A beautiful thing happened during the gathering of the few widows that came. A couple of them shared about the death of their husband. Though it was truly difficult to hear, when each spoke of that experience there was a measure of love that almost glowed as they spoke. It was amazing to be there with them as they went through their heart and memory. A quiet attention of everyone in the room as each one shared.

No doubt a very difficult time in life but...God revealed himself in each story and it was beautiful. I am awed by the evidence of the love of God that carries us through and we are unaware for the most part because of the pain of our loss. I truly honor the women who have lived through such a devastating life experience and know they were carried even as they are sharing their heart.

I'm thankful that I get to be part of this ministry. I know this is a short post, but in a since it's fuller than maybe all the others put together.

God bless you.  This is Judy, in my red recliner hoping you believe in Creator of all things created, the Alpha and Omega, His Son Jesus the Christ and Holy Spirit.

                                                               

                                                               Daffodils...it must be Spring

Home

 

Joey learned to watch TV while I was gone from home.

It's March! The 5th to be exact and I'm Home. Sometimes that word gets a super charge in it's meaning. That's the case today. Though my living companion is Joey the orange tabby, he's part of the reason home means more than usual. Another reason home means more to me today is that I've been away since February 17th and came home this past Saturday morning 16 days according to my fingers. First it was early morning hospital sign in then time in a staging area with a curtain waiting for my turn in surgery. Then flat on my tummy on a special table I'm told for the lower 4 & 5 spine fusion. Five hours later woke up in ICU where I stayed until released to a rehab facility for a week. Then finally home to Joey.

I have staples in my lower back and a second incision a bit to the left for a special tool used in the process.  A bit soar with lots of rules for not moving in such a way to damage the incision. And a walker.  The worst of it all is over I think. In a couple of days I go see the surgeon for a post op appointment and probably removal of the staples of which there are plenty.

Experiencing all sorts of sensations not necessarily pain. Hope the Surgeon has a good explanation for all of them and hope it's normal. So, having said that I'm determined not to worry about those sensations for now. Lots of things happen to a body during surgery that no one really talks about. For instance once your body is opened up air enters. The air can cause pockets throughout your body like bubbles. That's why when you wake up after they....the nurses or someone...gets you on your feet and makes you walk so that the air will leave. Interesting!

Lots of other things happen too. I woke up to bruises in the oddest places. Some are obviously from the needles they place under the skin for stuff that needs to get into the blood stream in  a hurry. But some are of unknown origin to me. I have questions for the doc.. I don't know abut you but I don't like the idea that I'm 'handled' while unconscious though I do give permission. I don't think about it too much.

Well, I'm home now and today at 9 a home health person comes to tell me how they will help me for the next 2 weeks. Don't know what to expect but I'll be happy with whatever is offered.

While I was in hospital etc., Joey was being visited everyday for a minimum of an hour. During that hour he was entertained and entertaining, was loved on, fed and otherwise attended to. When I got home he was absolutely glad to see me but expected me to leave after an hour. To his surprise I'm still here and he has calmed down and is semi-calm for a 10 month old.

Home. I'm home. Kids come everyday to do a bit of housekeeping and check on me and bring stuff if I have need or want. Otherwise I stay in my robe and slippers. Now that's something that sounds good but not so much. It's to be expected though so since I don't have the energy to do much more than sit in the recliner, I'm good.

The main thing is, I'm Home.

yup...Judy at home in the recliner in her robe and slippers posting. Hope all are well and really like your Home. Bless you each and every one!

You know it's February When...

 That's me alright...I volunteered to do a craft for children's church because this is missions' month and a missionary from Vietnam is coming and they needed a craft the kids can do having to do with that country, so I volunteered and chose to make a hat the farmers and regular people wear in the fields and around town. This is my first try at figuring out how to do that!!! 

This month of February is packed full of things to do and I'm already exhausted! Not only the craft that I will help the kids within March (it's in this mix because I started working on it in February). 

I also volunteered to organize a support group for widows in my local church and I started that last month, and it actually starts in March. However, guess who busy figuring it is all out and getting volunteers to help and writing and copying and handing out copies and keeping the leadership advised and holding meetings weekly.... on and on and on.

Not only am I doing the organizing and meetings but will be speaking most of the 10 sessions when it starts in March. Of course, that means writing 20-minute presentations for possibly 6 total of the 10. The thing is I absolutely love the challenge and the process, though it does have challenges now and again. I believe the outcome is going to be great. 

And then there's the back surgery scheduled for the 17th in the mix of all the above of which I may be laid up for 3 days but not driving plus using a walker for some time. And not picking up more than 5lbs. Ugh! While attending the sessions and giving presentations every Tuesday for 10 weeks. No worries with the surgery though, the arrangements are made to feed the cat Joey and pet him a while. Family will be with me in the hospital through however many days I stay. Hoping if any it's 1. Plus checking in on me at home until I'm self-sufficient. Oh, forgot I'm not supposed to drive either. 

BTW just so you know the name of the group is "A Widow's Window". I just passed my 19th year and thought it would be a piece of cake. Silly me! It does bring up memories, but I think they are helpful in this process. Nothing I cry about, but I do remember and actually it's helping as I work with other volunteers who will be facilitating with me and also in writing my own presentations. This is tough though for those I hope will attend as well as those of us who are also widows and are preparing our testimonies of how through God, we are alive and well.

I must admit that in my effort to start from nothing except my own clerical experience along with past organizing many different kinds of people gatherings I just jumped in and started typing. It's just now that I came across an article about how to start a widow's group for the purpose of support and helps for those like me. I have new information to add to what is already in place and one thing is that I can see that the group I have envisioned is much too limited and someday will be lengthened to more than just one hour. But though I didn't see that, I've kind of figured that would come in time. I do believe that what will be the first attempt at such a ministry at my church will grow into the kind of group I just read about, and I hope that it does. In the meantime, I'm geared for what has evolved in the planning and team building stage and hope it will be the start of a fruitful ministry for the widows in our congregation today and those in the future.

Hope with me, will you?  This is Judy at my computer working on getting ready for tomorrows team meeting for "A Widow's Window". God Bless you One and All.